Reproach and Approach

^{“Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate,
self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…” – 1 Timothy 3:2}

Have you ever heard the term, “above
reproach” and wondered where it came from? Or maybe you know it’s from the Bible but you never really knew what
part of the Bible it is from. Well the
verse above it is. If you do a search
for this phrase in the Bible, the only verse that comes up is this verse where
Paul is instructing Timothy about the qualities an elder or “overseer” should
have. One of the qualities in the list
is this phrase, “above reproach”.

Ever
since taking my first ministry class at Lipscomb, I have tried to live above
reproach. That’s because the professor
beat it into my brain that ministry is a dangerous profession to enter because your
life gets placed under a microscope and any flaw you have is laid out for the
entire congregation to see. I was warned
about counseling women and given some very good guidelines in regards to
that. I was told story after story about
ministers who failed to live a life above reproach and what that did to their
lives and the lives of the church they were called to work for.

When I
started working at Central, I had a great conversation about living above
reproach with the elders and ministers here. We put into place certain rules for me to follow so that I would never
find myself in a situation where I could fall into temptation or even be wrongly
accused of anything. I believe I have
lived up to those standards completely since starting here almost five years ago. I do my best to honor this lifestyle so that
God can work through me in my ministry and Satan cannot.

However,
recently I have been convicted of the fact that I have gone to the extreme of
living in a way that is not just above reproach, but above approach.

There is a great difference between living above reproach and above approach.

It is
in my nature to keep a wall of protection between me and everyone else in my
life. The wall of protection I keep up
between me and others causes me to become unapproachable so that people don’t
feel comfortable coming to me with their concerns, problems, worries, etc. People don’t want to let down their guard
because I don’t let mine down. People
don’t want to enter into any relationship with me because I am afraid to enter
into one with them.

As a
minister, one of my biggest callings is to help pastor those who God has placed
in his church at Central. But my zeal
for living above reproach has made me above approach
and therefore I have very few opportunities to actually do what I have been
called to do. The teens like to joke with
me about this. They call me awkward. I give awkward side-hugs, I don’t make good
eye contact, I shy away from one-on-one conversations that last longer than, “How’s
it goin?” I have been praying very hard
and working very hard on this lately. Itdoesn’t come natural to me, but I feel like I’m making strides.

What
about you? Do you feel like you have a
hard time living above reproach without living above approach? If so, maybe we can encourage each other and
find some ways to set up boundaries that not only help us live above reproach,
but also help us engage in meaningful relationships at the same time. I’d love to brainstorm with others like me to
find strategic ways to balance these two ideas in order to be effective
ministers.

Maybe you struggle the opposite
way. Maybe your struggle is finding how
to be approachable without being reproachable. In other words, maybe you find yourself being able to get to that deeper
level of relationship with others very easily, but sometimes that leads you
into inappropriate situations. Maybe you
need to place some boundaries in your life in order to protect you from sin or
from accusation. If that is the case, I
would be happy to pray with you or help you find ways to set some boundaries in
your life.

Giving and Getting

It is the week of Thanksgiving and I can happily say that I have not listened to a single Christmas song yet! I always try to put it off as long as possible because I know by the end of December I'll be so sick of those songs that I can't stand it. I'm still sick from last year of that song about the boy who wants to buy shoes for his dying mom. WHAT ARE YOU DOING SHOPPING WHEN YOUR MOM IS ON HER DEATH BED?!?!?

I digress...

Have you made your Christmas list yet? Have you had your kids make their list yet? I have always hated Christmas lists and I never could figure out why until today. I saw a bunch of ads for the sales going on this Friday and I kept thinking, "I'd like to have that! OH and that! Oh that would be nice!"

Last year, I went shopping on black Friday. Know what I came home with? A new TomTom GPS... for myself! Ok, I also got some gifts for Megan, but my main goal for getting up so early was to get the unlimited maps edition TomTom for myself.

So today it hit me... I'm REALLY selfish. How did I get this selfish? Why am I so concerned about what I'M going to get for Christmas? And I think I had a revelation.

I think we do our kids a disservice when we have them sit down and write out a list of things they want for Christmas. We are basically enabling our kids to think of their wants and desires and by doing so, we are ingraining in them this idea that Christmas is all about what you got for Christmas. It's usually not till later in life when we try to come back and say, "Oh by the way Christmas is not about getting, it's about giving!" But by the time we try to teach our kids that, we've already told them, by our actions, that it is all about getting. Kids learn much more through observation than they do through instruction.

So I'm proposing a twist on how we normally handle our kids Christmas lists. Instead of having them sort through the online store or the news paper ads to come up with a list of stuff they want, have them sort through all that stuff and come up with a list of things they think each of their family members and friends would most enjoy. If you have two kids, have them come up with a list of items they think their brother or sister would appreciate.

And you do the same thing! As you see the ads this season, resist the temptation to think about how much you would enjoy it, and instead, try to decide which one of your family members, co-workers, or friends could benefit from that the most.

If everyone in your family does this, you will have a list of presents to buy all of them. Then watch your kids on Christmas day and see how they react to one another. Hopefully, they'll still get really excited to open up their gifts. But my guess is that they might get equally excited to see the joy on their siblings face as they watch their sibling open up a gift that they picked out.

Like most of my ideas, I'm sure there are lots of problems with this one. Feel free to pick it apart and point out the realities of what might happen if we did this. Maybe this is a dumb idea. But if you don't like this idea, then reply to this blog and give me your own ideas for how we can bring back the true spirit of Christmas... which is giving.

Thanks

Since this is Thanksgiving Month and I'm way behind on the daily thankfulness facebook and twitter posts, I figured I'd spend some time talking about who and what I am thankful for.

I am most thankful, today, for God. I know that's such a typical Christian thing to do... to put God first in the list. But it's the truth. We are going through a study in youth group right now called GodView. The study is an attempt to help the teens realize that God is more than just someone who wants you to be good and happy. We subconsciously limit God to this little box and think that he can't act in any way other than how we think he can act. We live our lives on our own and then expect God to show up when we need him to. Then we get upset with him when he doesn't show up in the ways we expect him to. But God is bigger than our expectations. God's ways are not like our ways. God's understanding of what's going on is so much greater than ours. And God is in control, no matter how out of control our lives feel. Some people are scared of that idea but for me, I am thankful.

I am thankful for freedom. I have actually thought about this a lot lately. God must place a very high value on freedom. Think about it... when God, who knows everything, chose to create humans, he wanted us to have freedom to do what we want. So he had to design a system to place us in, where we could somehow HAVE the freedom to make choices on our own, even though he would know what those choices would be, before we ever made them. Some say if God already knows how I will choose, then I'm not actually making a choice. But the genius of God shines through with how he created the dimension of time that we are subject to, (and he is not). Without time, free will is taken away because everyone's decisions are made and we lose our ability to change them. But inside of time, we cannot see the future and therefore we have freedom to make those choices without knowing exactly how those choices will effect the future. Freedom exists because God created it. Some might say it is a false sense of freedom. I say, you are free to believe that if you want and I am free to believe what I believe. :-)

I am thankful for loving people who truly consider others greater than themselves. These people are few and far between, and I confess that I am not one of them. But how refreshing is it to come across someone who truly has a heart of a servant? I am thinking of several in my life who have had demonstrated this at times in their lives, and I know of several others who seem to demonstrate this all the time.

I am thankful for people who value honesty and integrity over self-preservation. These are values that are not taught in our culture anymore. These are values that should be praised and rewarded much more than what they are.

I am thankful for people who do their best to seek unity and not division among all people. Whether it be in religion, politics, ethnic/race, gender, age, opinions, or any other differences, unity is of utmost importance. I saw an astronaut interviewed on TV who said that when he looked down on the earth, he didn't see any differences, he just saw one earth and we are all in it together.

Finally, I am thankful for specific people in my life. I actually typed out all the people I am thankful for and there were way too many. And then I realized how many people I would be forgetting if I tried to name them all. So instead of listing them all, I'll just say that I am a blessed man to have so many friends and family. I will try my best to express my gratitude in person sometime this month. :-)

Celebrating God's Work

I’ve been reading through Genesis and Exodus lately and
something came to my attention today.
Anytime God would do something for the Israelites, he would have them
pick a special way to mark that event so that they would never forget. Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob all made alters at
specific places so that they could give a sacrifice to God out of gratitude for
his provision. They would leave those
alters up to stand as a witness that God had provided for them so that whoever
passed by would see and be reminded.

When God prepared the Israelites for the Passover, he gave
Moses instructions to celebrate that event every year as a way to always
remember that God rescued Israel from the Egyptians.

After Moses led Israel out of Egypt, God told them to mark
the day on their calendars and celebrate it every year so that they would always
remember the day that they left Egypt.

Then, when God provided manna, God gave Moses instructions
to collect several quarts of it and place it in a sacred spot so that the
Israelites could always have it with them as a remembrance of how God provided
for them in the wilderness. This
eventually became one of the items in the arc of the covenant.

It seems to me that God finds it very important for us to
mark special occurrences in our life that remind us of him. One of the most common things that Christians
do today is communion. We take communion
in “remembrance” of Jesus Christ. We
also celebrate Christmas and Easter for this same reason.

What are some other things that you do in order to remember
how God has come through for you? Do you
have any special days of the year that you celebrate to remind yourself of a
past event in your life where God provided for you? Do you ever set anything aside as a reminder
of God’s provision? Do you ever mark
down specific events in your life that are significant in your walk with
God?

This is something I want to start doing. I write in a prayer journal periodically, but
that’s about as close as I come to this type of thing. But celebration is an important part of the
Christian walk. We celebrate birthdays
and national holidays, as we should. But
I want to start celebrating spiritual holidays as well! Want to join me? Respond to this and give me your best ideas
of what we can celebrate!

Current Events

I don’t usually share my opinions about politics on a public
forum. I try to stay out of it as much
as I can because I believe the message of the Gospel is far more important and
worthy of discussion. However, I seem to
be ok talking about college football way more than it should be talked about,
so I don’t think it’s terrible to give my 2-cents every now and then about
politics.

Recently, the protests across the nation have intrigued
me. It was all started by a group called
“Occupy Wall Street” and they have a website you can go to if you want to find
out more about who they are and what their beef is. But this group is growing very rapidly and
more and more groups are popping up across the nation. I’ve even heard that a similar protest has
popped up in my home town of Columbus, OH.

I’ve looked into this group a little bit to see exactly what
it is that they are protesting. What I’ve
found is that they are basically protesting against big corporations who think
they can rule over our country and government at the expense of the
people. They are sick and tired of the
decisions our government has made over the past several decades and they seem
to be protesting our entire system of capitalism.

Fox News and other conservative publications are tossing
this group out as a bunch of pot smoking hippies. But that is just fueling the fire for these hippies
because it looks like Fox News and the entire right wing is just backing the
big corporations… which proves to them that the big corporations are behind the
scenes controlling the media (and everything else).

This whole thing is a mess and I believe it’s going to get
worse before it gets better. The problem
is that both sides are entrenched so deeply that they won’t budge for
anything. Each side believes that they
are right and the other side is wrong, and so neither side will listen to the
other. And every time one side says or
does something, it just proves to the other side that they are that much more
wrong.

Conservatives are painted as being corrupted by money and
having no heart for the poor and marginalized.
Liberals are painted as being morally corrupted and having no respect
for justice.

And then there are people like me. We are so disgusted by it all that we just
want to pull away, dive into pessimism, and believe that all sides are totally
messed up. We don’t trust anybody when
it comes to government or politics. We
see through the talking points of both sides and we are just sick of it. We value honesty but that word does not exist
in our media or in our politics or in our corporations.

I actually think that these protestors are on to
something. I don’t think capitalism is
the answer. Capitalism is not scriptural
at all. I believe we are reaping what we
have sown for the past fifty years. The
rich control way too much and the poor are mistreated way too much. Corporations have worked their way into our
legal system and into our governments so much that they are getting away with
almost anything they want.

But it’s not just corporations and capitalism that have
screwed up our society. The moral
failure of our culture is just as guilty.
When we can’t tell right from wrong or when we teach our children to
believe that truth is relative, we can’t expect to succeed. The fact that people clap on national tv when
they hear that Mexico City is offering a 2-year marriage agreement is sad. The fact that the majority of people in
America admit to lying on their resume is sad.
The fact that saving yourself for marriage is considered weird is a sad,
sad reality of our culture.

Republicans and Democrats are both wrong. But they are also both right. Republicans need to stop fighting harder for
the rich than they do for the poor. That
is anti-Christ! Democrats need to stop
ignoring moral boundaries as if they serve no purpose. That is anti-Christ! Corporations need to be shut down if they get
to a point where they are harming the people more than they are helping the
people. And 24-hour news companies
should be shut down immediately because they are more concerned with
entertainment and making money than they are with helping America.

The reality is that we need both conservatives and liberals in this country. Looking out for the poor is considered pure religion in the Bible... (orphans and widows). Being rich is considered one of the best ways to sure up your ticket to hell according to Jesus. But Jesus also says, "If you love me, you will obey my commands." We need to hold our public servants, our corporations, and our people accountable both morally and socially. Social justice is considered moral justice to Jesus. He doesn't allow for one or the other. Neither should we.

Blog Picture

So I decided to post a picture of my family at the top of my blog. I thought it would help anyone who comes across this page and doesn't know me help put a face to who's talking.

I picked this picture especially because I like the way Megan and I look. The kids have hundreds of pictures where they look better than in this one, but I figured this picture was the most fitting of any because it portrays reality for us. :-)

This pic was taken at lunch on a Sunday afternoon. Our kids were exhausted and had been screaming their heads off at church all morning. They just wanted to go home and take a nap, but we forced them to take a picture. haha

Combat Training

Have you ever been able to just feel that you were under spiritual attack? As if the evil forces in this world have given up the element of surprise and are just coming at you head-on?

This past couple weeks have been very long!

We are preparing for RESTORE 2011, which is our fall retreat to Myrtle Beach, SC. This is my favorite retreat. Part of that is because I get to play such a major role in putting it on. I've been meeting with youth ministers from across the Carolinas since last October in order to put this thing together. Lots of time and prayer have gone into this weekend.

When you put so much energy into a single event, you are really putting yourself out there. If the event does well, it's a great feeling. But of it tanks, you have to live with that burden for an entire year.

So basically, I have set myself up as a prime target for Satan. And he has been hitting me hard. For me, it always starts with lust. He has hit me harder than usual by tempting me to lust. Everywhere I turn, there's an image of a beautiful woman who doesn't have much on.

Then his next blow comes with laziness. He tempts me to watch tv all night long instead of go to bed and read my Bible or other spiritual book. He tempts me to feel too busy to pray. He fills up my week so that I don't have time to fast. He basically has done his best to block every spiritual discipline I've tried in the past couple weeks. And he's been quite effective at this one.

Then he moved on to my self esteem. This has taken place in several different ways but the biggest is that almost all of our youth group has backed out of the fall retreat. We normally bring around 25-35 people. This year, only 14 signed up. Out of that 14, we are now down to just 6. And one of those 6 wouldn't be coming if I would have let him have a refund, but his parents won't let him back out without a refund.

As a youth minister, it is always discouraging when you put effort into an event and no one shows. But this event is my baby! Like I said, I've worked long and hard at putting this thing together and only 6 people (2 of which are myself and my wife) are coming from our group!

It has taken me till just now... a day before the event... to realize that Satan is coming at me head on, full blow. And now that I realize that, I can fight back.

The best way to fight back is to realize that if Satan has given up the element of surprise and is attacking in obvious ways, it is because something big is about to happen that he wants to prevent. That is encouraging to me. I can't wait to see what God has in store.

The next way to fight back is to push through the dull, boring times of spiritual disciplines. I'm fasting today. It is 10:00 AM and I'm starving already. But I need to push through this day in order to fight the evil in my life. My prayer life has been very stale lately, but I need to keep praying and push through the distractions. My personal study times have felt more like a boring waste of time than a time of growth, but I need to do them anyways in order to get through this attack.

Finally, I can fight these attacks by once again, coming to a dependence on God. The past couple weeks, I've struggled so much because I've tried to depend on myself. But when I am weak, He is strong... I need the power of God to rescue me from these attacks. I need to call upon God's spirit, who is living in me, for strength to stand firm.

I want to close with a prayer. If you've felt these attacks lately, please join me in this prayer:

Father,

I come to you weak and broken. My enemy is attacking me from all sides and I have no strength left to fight on my own. I call upon your holy spirit to take over this poor soul and rescue me from the hands of evil. Make me aware of these attacks and where they are coming from. Shield me from the blows of Satan's sword. Push back the battle lines of evil. Take me off the front line and bring me into fellowship with my allies. Grant me a time to rest and recover.

And then, Father, fill me with your strength and might so that I will be prepared to fight once again for your kingdom. Make me stronger than I was before.

Stand behind me so that the enemy will tremble in my presence. Stand in front of me so that I will know where to go. Stand beside me so I can lean on you for comfort. And stand within me so that I will be righteous as you are righteous and holy as you are holy.

In Jesus Name,

Amen